
It has been difficult as of late to stay positive and optimistic. They are, in fact, two different things and both just as challenging to maintain in my current state.
1. I am not walking this spring. (*&*#%&$*#)$!!!! This is the least of my worries, but utterly tied to the politics of Teachers College Art and Art Education.
2. My time at the gallery is over and I will not have the job as of June 30. Not so many explitives this time as I am finding a huge sense of relief knowing that working with certain people has a very close end in sight.
3. I have to find a new job.
4. I am not going to Italy with NYU this summer due to job situation. I have deferred to start next summer.
5. There is a massive budget issue all over the world. This does not exclude TC and my department in particular. I am being pinned for the majority of the problems when it is clearly not my fault. I am seeking counsel through various university sorts. Do I REALLY have time and energy for this battle?!?!?! (that is rhetorical)
6. I am not successfully recovered from my sinus surgery. Anyone that has been told they need it and it is from a fantastic surgeon like mine...DO IT!!!! However, it took a lot more time to recover that I had planned for myself.
7. I have had severe chronic pain in my lower left side for over 6 years now. It is at times debilitating. I went to see one surgeon and she told me I had to get a rib removed. At that I walked out and tried to ignore the pain. Recently I was telling another doctor off-handedly about this incident and it turns out there could be a potential suspect. My spleen. I am getting an MRI tomorrow night.
8. My body is feeling older than 36. (I think)
9. In order to avoid interaction with the director of my department I had to can my thesis, which I had been working on for 3 years, in order to cut her out of the picture. See, what I was working on is her specialty. There was no way I could not have her as a reader. (This is where the gallery and budget thing come in.) I do not feel she is capable of being an objective reader.
10. My insurance company folded in the middle of my learning disability testing. I know from preliminary tests that I do in fact and have always had ADHD. The company that replaced them does not have the doctor I was using in their network. SOOOOO...I am starting all over with the arduous task of testing. The problem is, I need it now.
11. The effects of the combined stress along with life in general is VERY overwhelming. I often feel like I am drowning in thin air. If I were not taking antidepressants I would be in big trouble.
Some good things:
1. Jules. N'uff said. He kicks "patutie". He is a fountain of joy and wonder I have the fortune to be around every day.
2. Laundry service. For just pennies more I can have my laundry picked up at my door and delivered beautifully clean and folded two days later.
3. My advisers. All three. Baldacchino, Pellegrin and Stevens from UW. They are all still ardent supporters.
4. Family and friends. Yeah. They kick patutie as well.
So for now, I am focusing on those things and trying to maintain some semblance of a working life while I sort the other things out.